Certified Life Coach, BSS, QMHP
Life was a struggle from the beginning for my parents who were low income and little educated, living in Rockbridge County, Virginia. I was the third of five hungry little mouths to feed, that added financial stressors to a struggling family dynamics. However, it is not the lack of physical needs that I remember, as much as, the absence of love and support that five young children so readily desired. Alcoholism and distrust often made life at home loathsome and scary. Regardless of how I saw life at home, I know, my parents did the best they knew how.
It’s peculiar, how ones’ environment has such a huge impact on mood. As improbable as it was I remember being a happy little kid, when I was outside of the home. Whether roaming the open fields, fishing, playing with my sibling, or attending church functions, I loved socializing and being with people. Resilience radiated in me, even before I knew what the word meant.
During Adolescence, I evolved into an untamed wild child, who was sneaky, dishonest and out to find mischief in any form. I lived and acted on pure emotion, a troubled child cast into the world without problem solving skills. I was the child, no one understood. I crashed and burned many times as I progressed into young adulthood.
Despite my wild ways, I was blessed with four great children during this time. Learning to parent was at times a very daunting task. Being largely unequipped I did the best that I could, I read books and studied always trying to be a better parent. I tried, and failed many times but also had some success along the way. Once again it was my resilience that kept driving me to change and better myself. Through much of my early adulthood, I found myself making the same mistakes my parent did. Mistakes that I swore I would never repeat. The lessons came slow for me but eventually, I began to make the changes that were needed and began a stable life.
After multiple failed relationships I finally met the man of my dreams. He cared deeply for me and my children, in return he was showered with love and appreciation. My career up to this point had little structure, I had worked as a teacher in a private school, developed a cleaning business, and tried multiple small businesses just to put food on the table. I had done a good bit of volunteer work with children in the years prior to meeting Greg, he urged me to return to school shortly after we were married. With a renewed sense of persistence and a desire to continue to better myself as a parent I obtained a Bachelors of Social Science degree. Finally, I felt content in all areas of life. This only lasted a few years, just seven short years after I married, Greg, was shot to death while working. Our family was cast into trauma, the likes of which was unfathomable.
Throughout all of my trials and tribulations in life nothing had impacted myself or my family quite like this. Learning to cope with this loss was long and complex process that admittedly still requires maintenance from time to time. Even with the hurt and pain that still lingers, I know, I am blessed to have had Greg in our lives if only for a short time.
Through all my crises or problems, I have faced in life; I’ve always sought to find my own answers. Although I have learned many great lessons and skills, the most important is that we all have the same innate ability to solve our own problems.
I was the problem child, so I understand children, how they think, act and often behave; I was the parent who made all of the mistakes, until I learned to do it better. I was the one who learned to develop a healthy relationship, by solving problems I had in previous, dysfunctional relationships. I know how to take the most difficult crises in life and find a meaning to live.
Life is a journey where we are faced with problems daily. Today, I take the same honed in skills I learned through experience and education, to teach others to find the answers that will bring peace into their life and home.
Children, Relationship or Trauma I can help one find the strength and answer that will help them overcome the calamity in their life.